neox:

one time i did 9 shots of tequila and sent everyone i know a text saying im so sorry and cried for an hour because i really wanted a pet manatee and my apartment isnt big enough to house a manatee. i dont fuck with tequila anymore

(Source: boytaurus)

(Source: callmecoven)

bl-ossomed:

Legendary.

bl-ossomed:

Legendary.

kirbyfucker64:

"how old are you?"

"It’s a secret :3"

"aiight so either 12 or 40 got it"

ohhowlucky:

danteogodofsoup:

killbenedictcumberbatch:

standupcomedyblog:

John Mulaney | The Salt & Pepper Diner

THE BEST JOKE IN EXISTENCE

GOD I JUST TOLD SOMEONE ABOUT THIS STORY

This is one of the best pieces of comedy that I have ever had the pleasure of witnessing. I love this. I have been looking for this online for awhile.

(Source: timetoputonashow)

(Source: bisoukawaii)

queensoybean:

babyhucks:

America: Where dudes can get unlimited boner pills that have no other medical use but women can’t get birth control pills that prevent cancers, regulate periods, help with menstrual cramping, prevent break outs, and help with cysts. 

I think it’s time for a woman’s uprising.

(Source: dieformegadeth)

jerkidiot:

jerkidiot:

I DON’T WANT TO GROW UP I WANT TO STAY A LITTLE KID FOREVER I NEED CAPRI SUN I NEED TEMPORARY TATTOOS

image

IS IT WORKING

verysmalldeer:

nevecampbell:

I just wanna s*** some d***

HOW MANY DOGS ARE YOU LOOKING TO SELL